've been feeling so utterly shitty today.. And idk who t really turn t.. I just wanna let out everything but idk who t tell t..I decide t blog about it..  So many things have been running through my mind today.. And problems have been piling like mountains on top of me.. Everything around me reminds me of him.. And memories are like flashbacks.. Replaying themselves again and again.. It feels like everything just happened so quickly .. But yet 'm still stuck in that moment .. Tears just keep falling no matter how much I try t keep them back.. Whenever people mention abt him or ask me t cheer up, tears would just drip down again..idk how many times I cried in school today..  I feel so lost.. Lost in a maze and having no idea where t go.. Th person who once would guide me through that maze has left.. Left me behind with no sense of direction.. Why does love always hurt that much.. Why can't there be such things as happy endings.. He left.. Just like that. He took away every single thing with him.. Except th memories.. Looking at him hurts so much.. Th sight of him just makes me turns away cuz it's too awful a feeling.. That one guy whom I thought would prove t me that there are such things call forever, is th very same guy who made me not believe anymore . I guess this is karma? Fate, are you that cruel? You made me fall so deeply in love with him, and you took him away from me without warning. 'm so tired.. So emotionally tired.. I just want a shoulder t rest on, t cry on..a pillar t support me through this period of time.. You know how tiring it is? To have t try t stay strong, t have t force a smile out even though inside it's srsly killing me? To act like 'm fine in front of my friends, t act like 've moved on in front of my teacher.. And t act like a strong girl in front of my parents.. 've t hide in Th toilet when I wanna cry and look fine when I walk out of it t not make my parents worry.. Idw t bore my friends down cuz they have their own problems too.. People keeps telling me his a jerk, and I shouldn't waste all my time bawling my eyes out.. But I don't think his a jerk.. I think he was th best boyf I ever had truthfully.. He treated me like a princess, he understands me and can read my mind.. He makes me smile when 'm unhappy and gives me a hug telling me that everything is gonna be alright. He always cared and showered me with love.. He often talks about his future plans.. About marrying at 25,  about kids, his ambition, he had everything planned out.. I was too stuck up, too insensitive , I did not spare a thought for him.. Always blamed him for th smallest thing that he did.. Just because of a few hours of late reply, a few minutes that he is late.. I ignored him for hours.. 'm such a insensitive bitch who never cared about his feelings.. Yet, he always forgave me no matter whatever I did. He always try his best t be there for me no matter how busy he is.. He told me that I was th most important thing in th world and every few minutes he would say he misses me.. I only learnt how t appreciate him when his gone.. Sighs. He told me that this week would be a better week, but what happened.. All ended. Waking up in th morning was something I used t look forward t because I could see him and feel his warmthness.. But nao? Waking up is just a dread.. Having t have th sinking truth that I lost him.. I miss him... I miss him so damn much.. Looking at th photo album that contain all our photos and how happy we once were, I just wanna flunk th whole thing in th dustbin, throw away every traces of him away.. But what th use when I can't even delete those in my heart.. Just another 2 days t th third month but I have ruined everything in my whole hands.. That other half of th couple tee that I was suppose t give him is left untouched in my room.. What am I supposed t do with it..? Idk how t move on from here.. Time will heal these wounds, yes I know.. But how long would it take? 1 wish he would just hug me and tell me that everything's gonna be alright like he used t.. Or even a single text t tell me he still loves me.. Those used t be reality, but nao they are simply dreams, dreams that would never come true anymore.. 
Who is gonna cheer me up when 'm sad? 
Who is gonna wipe away all these tears that are falling?
Who is gonna give me a hug and kiss everyday?
Who is gonna give me calls just because he misses me? 
Who is gonna teach me chemistry?
Who is gonna argue with me on what age I should marry? 
Who is gonna eat yogurt with me? 
Who is gonna tell make me smile like he did with all his nonsense?
Just who... Nobody would be able t give me what he did.. 
How is he nao? Idkk.. I guess his doing fine without me... I guess he and me are not meant t be together.. Distance pulled us apart.. What's done cannot be undone.. He deserves someone much better I guess.. His happy with his life without me cuz I saw him smiled today.. I guess that's a great thing.. His happiness is worth th sadness 'm feeling.. I guess this is goodbye than.. Eugene goh ming run, this would be th last time I get t say this ba.. I love you.