i feel so tired.. so sick of life. everybody seems t be fading out of my life.. first him.. than nao friends one by one.. maybe is me thinking too much.. idk.. it feels like there is no true friends in the world.. even ur cloest friends gossip and bad mouth abt you behind ur back.. yes its human nature, but is this what true friends are for? i cant live t please everyone in my life, if i can i would.. but nobody can do that.. it seems like everything i do, somebody would be not happy.. 'm not pin pointing or pushing th blame on anyone.. 'm trying my best t accompany and pei everyone equally.. i know i treat ppl as substitudes at time.. but hu doesn't? i dont blame anyone for treating me as one cuz everyone does that.. 'm trying t change and control my attitude.. i try t stop myself from bad mouthing abt others and think abt others good point.. i am trying t become a better person.. i dont blame or get angry when ppl pangseh me.. but when they ignore me.. these actions hurt alright.. it really hurts.. why cant someone just put themselves in my shoe.. i feel so stressed and fucked up trying t make decisions at times..i know 'm not an angel.. nor am i near perfect.. but i tot friends accept one another for who they are, above all flaws and imperfections?  true friends are frank with one another arent they.. i rather you be frank with me than silently ignoring me or whispering t each other behind my back... if is you, would you feel good?  'm not trying t gain pity or be a complain queen.. 'm jjust letting everything out.. its like 've nobody t share my problems with.. nobody t give advice or cheer me up..i know i may be emotional these few days.. but this really is a dark period of time..i have taken deep blows in life.. there used t be someone there for me 24/7 whom i can talk t, lean on, cry on.. even though he might not be there physically all th time.. but he was there in my heart.. but he left... 'm trying my best not t think of him.. get over him and everything.. he used t always be there when 'm unhappy and cheer me up every single time, but nao..? i wanna talk t him so damn much, text him, run t him.. but then i realise than 'm in no position t do that anymore..'ve no more faith in myself. i feel like a failure in life. i might sound so pathetic, so clingy so despo need of him.. but yeah i really want him badly, so much.. 'm so jealous of ppl who are surrounded with somany friends, happy go lucky everyday.. i wanna go back t kindergarden life where life just passes like a breeze..please,can life just turn for a better, just for once...? 've my limits and my limits are reaching soon.. it feels like 'm breaking down, crumpling , fading into nothing..i need a stronger distraction.. studying just isnt a strong distraction cuz my mind is still clouded with everything.. please........